I’m walking down the street with my woman on a warm summer day. As we approach an intersection, a car with its windows rolled down comes to a stop at the light close to us. A romantic soul song from the 70’s plays on that car’s stereo. Without missing a beat, I slide my right arm around her waist, turn her towards me, and take her hand with my free hand. The next thing she knows, we’re slow dancing on the sidewalk and gazing into each other’s eyes like we’re the king and queen of the prom. After about 30 seconds the light turns green, the car rolls off with our soundtrack, I take her hand and we cross the street.
That was about 10 years ago. And she still remembers that moment.
That’s what I call an interruptor.
An interruptor is something you can create on a date or during sex with a woman that hits the reset button. It has you instantly become present to the connection between the two of you. Interruptors often involve an element of physical touch and surprise.
Women love guys who know how to do good interruptors because they are able to continually create new, fresh connections and break old patterns that they’ve been hopelessly stuck in with other guys.
Here are some examples of interruptors:
Romantic Interruptors (use these any time)
- Read her a poem that made you think of her (or write a poem!)
- Bring her flowers (or picking one on a walk)
- Show up with her favorite dessert
- Make up a song in the moment about her special qualities
State-shift interruptors (use these when she’s in a funky, distant or growly mood)
- Put your hand on her heart and look deeply into her eyes.
- Give her a long hug (Just say, “Hey. C’mere.” And pull her in.)
- Act spontaneously goofy or silly with her
- Start to hug her, then plant your feet, grab her ass with both hands and lift her so she wraps her legs around you.
- Pick her up — cross-the-threshold style — and give her a spin before setting her down.
Sexual Interruptors (use these in bed)
- Tell her to keep eye contact with you as you have sex. You can say something as simple as, “I want you to look at me.” You can also say this as she is going down on you.
- Smack her ass. If you’re doing it while you’re inside of her (recommended), it’s most easily done in the cowgirl or doggie-style positions.
- Wrestle with her. I haven’t met a woman that didn’t enjoy some form of wrestle-play. You can even be inside of her and wrestle with her as well which can be really hot.
The best interruptors, however, are the ones that don’t require any pre-planning. It’s something out-of-the-blue that catches her unawares and brings the two of you more present to each other. My best interruptors (like my “slow dance” story) have been completely spontaneous. A good interruptor will keep her fascinated, a little off-guard, and wondering what you’re going to do next!
So why don’t most guys do these kinds of things? Because most guys are afraid of failing, “doing it wrong” or botching the connection. Guys usually play defense with women. They’re busy protecting themselves from doing or saying the wrong thing and turning her off. They’re playing it safe so they don’t “get fired.”
An interruptor is an offensive move. That means you are taking a greater risk of doing something wrong. (Well, maybe not with the romantic interruptors!) Ironically, this is partly what makes it attractive to women. Guys who are willing to take these kinds of risks are demonstrating the kind of self-confidence that women love.
So, can you screw up an interruptor? Oh yeah.
Women are not men. There are a lot of “guy” interruptors that are fun to do with your male friends. But things like punching her hard in the arm like she’s your “bro,” pretending to drive off the road, or jumping out of a closet wearing a Halloween mask are more like “relationship enders.”
The basis for any real connection with a woman is presence. An interruptor is an opportunity to free you, your woman, and your relationship from whatever emotional or mental rut you find yourselves in, and return to being present with each other. It’s a “reset button” for both of you. And to do an interruptor right means that you need to be really present to her.
This is a chance for you to be creative, to try out different things and see how they work. Remember, present men are sexy men to women.