Sex with Your Clothes On

Man dipping woman at wedding dance

Make yourself more desirable by becoming a good dancer.

Last week, at an event I was attending, I introduced a female friend of mine to a guy I know. The three of us chatted for a few minutes, and then he excused himself. I asked her if she thought he was good-looking. “Sure,” she said, with a sly smile. “But can he dance?”

What your dance style says about you

Most women know that if a man is a good dancer, chances are higher that he’ll be good in bed. A guy who knows how to move on the dance floor knows his body. He’s in touch with himself. He has good “partner awareness.” He probably knows how to lead.

That’s what my woman friend was getting at. She was somewhat interested in his looks, but she was really wondering was how he moved on the dance floor — and in the bedroom.

Even if a man is not conventionally attractive, if he’s a good dancer, he will attract more than his share of women. So if you’re not attracting the women you want into your life, learning to become a skillful dancer is a great way to change that. And once you’ve charmed a lady on the dance floor, your chances of becoming (or remaining) her lover go way up.

And by the way: Dance increases your cardio capacity; it’s good for your bones and joints; it floods your system with endorphins that fight depression; it strengthens your abdominals, butt, and legs. Dancing connects you to a greater community; it increases self-esteem; and it slows the aging process. Just sayin’.

Learning to dance

So how do you learn to dance? Well, haven’t you ever wanted to be good at a particular kind of dance? Have you ever taken a class in that style of dance? Start there.

If you’re the kind of guy who wants to be good at things right away, I hate to break it to ya, but that’s probably not going to happen. If you currently have two left feet, becoming a good dancer will take some time and dedication.

So get over it and be willing to not look so good for a while.

For inspiration, rent the movie, “Shall We Dance?” (the original Japanese version).

If you really want to take this on as a project and discover a lot of different dance styles, try out a different dance class once or twice a week for the next couple of months. Here’s a very partial list of partner-ish dance styles you could check out:

  • Blues dancing
  • Freeform/Ecstatic Dance
  • Salsa
  • Tango
  • 5 Rhythms/Open Floor/Soul Motion
  • Contact Improvisation
  • Swing
  • Acro yoga

In many cities, dance studios will offer free classes for one week out of the year. Here in the US, they call it National Dance Week. It’s a great way to check out the huge variety of dance styles.

Find your love affair

You’re basically looking for a dance form to fall in love with. One that really matches the way your body and spirit naturally want to move. Does your body prefer structured or unstructured dance styles? Does it like the rigor of specific steps, or are you more drawn to freeform movement? Then, once you’ve discovered YOUR most delicious dance style (just as in the past you may have discovered a favorite type of food or music), you can then begin to integrate it into your life.

Hopefully the form you choose will also allow you to touch a woman, look in her eyes, and guide or lead her in some manner. Touch and gaze is crucial to most dance styles. And being skillful in moving a woman on the dance floor translates into moving her in the bedroom. From vertical, clothes-on sex to the horizontal, clothes-off variety.

As you become a more skilled dancer, you’ll start to more quickly pick up on how different women move, and how they like to be moved. And just like you’re learning to let go of technique in the bedroom (you are, right?), you can stop focusing solely on the dance technique you’ve learned and just allow the pleasure of the movement to take you over.

Here’s another huge benefit to dancing: You’ll get to experience a lot of “flavors” of femininity, without the drama that can come with being their lover! In any given hour, you could be holding 2 to 12 different women in your arms. From dancing with an “earth mama,” to gently holding a “butterfly”; from a sweet little thing to a fiery, big-busted Amazon. The luxury of variety!

My wish for you is that, both in dancing and in sex, you get the opportunity to fully express yourself, and deeply connect with a partner — body, mind, heart, and soul. You deserve it. And you can have it.