The Power of the Pause


During sex, one of the most important things you can do is significantly slow down or even stop the action and consciously connect with your partner. It can make a huge difference in how connected she feels to you — and, thus, how much she’s willing to open to you.

Here’s why I want to talk about this: slow-downs, stops, and opportunities to connect happen all the time in real-life sex. However, you rarely see any of those moments in porn — which is where we’ve spent the most time witnessing the act of sex.

Let’s face it: we’ve all watched a lot of “jackhammer sex” (which has its place!), but not many scenes of true, authentic connection between partners. And pausing is simply one of the best ways to establish a deeper sense of connection with the woman you’re with.

Here are some examples sexual moments during which I recommend taking a “pause for the cause.”

  • You’re about to ejaculate, you don’t want to, and all of your MultiOrgasmic Lover practices aren’t helping. Yike! In this instance, slowing and then stopping your thrusting before you get to the infamous “point of no return” is essential if you want the lovemaking session to continue.
  • You’re physically tired from having sex in a particular position. This typically happens if you’re above or on top of her for a while, and your arms or other body parts are getting tired.
  • You’re feeling disconnected from yourself or from her. This happens more often than most of us want to admit. We get lost in our heads: We’re strategizing how to get to orgasm, worried about our performance, or wondering whether or not she’s enjoying herself.
  • Something funny or somewhat painful happens. One of you farts; you “miss the mark” on your in-thrust; you bonk heads, etc. Something like this happens in nearly every sexual encounter. After you’re done laughing, or rubbing the part that got hurt, consider taking a moment to reconnect as I describe below.
  • You’ve just taken her into some kind of deep, VERY pleasurable experience. Maybe she’s just had a powerful G-spot or cervical orgasm and she’s in another world. These are great moments to really bond with your woman. Take advantage of these precious opportunities!

Now, what do I mean by “connect with your partner”? I’m suggesting that you do something like this:

  1. Look in her eyes, then
  2. Kiss her, then
  3. Looking in her eyes again, say something to her that you truly appreciate about her in the moment, and/or
  4. Share how the sex is going for you, genuinely. Share how it’s impacting you or what you’re experiencing

Please don’t use this sequence as a rigid formula, but rather as an “idea springboard” for your own way of creatively pausing the action.

That’s it. If you’re reluctant to pause and speak up the way I’m suggesting, I challenge you to give it a try and gauge the results for yourself. If you can do it in an authentic, genuine way, 95% of the time the woman will respond positively, and the two of you will feel more connected.

Enjoy the power of the pause, bros!