Sex with Your Clothes On

Man dipping woman at wedding dance

Make yourself more desirable by becoming a good dancer.

Last week, at an event I was attending, I introduced a female friend of mine to a guy I know. The three of us chatted for a few minutes, and then he excused himself. I asked her if she thought he was good-looking. “Sure,” she said, with a sly smile. “But can he dance?”

What your dance style says about you

Most women know that if a man is a good dancer, chances are higher that he’ll be good in bed. A guy who knows how to move on the dance floor knows his body. He’s in touch with himself. He has good “partner awareness.” He probably knows how to lead.

That’s what my woman friend was getting at. She was somewhat interested in his looks, but she was really wondering was how he moved on the dance floor — and in the bedroom.

Even if a man is not conventionally attractive, if he’s a good dancer, he will attract more than his share of women. So if you’re not attracting the women you want into your life, learning to become a skillful dancer is a great way to change that. And once you’ve charmed a lady on the dance floor, your chances of becoming (or remaining) her lover go way up.

And by the way: Dance increases your cardio capacity; it’s good for your bones and joints; it floods your system with endorphins that fight depression; it strengthens your abdominals, butt, and legs. Dancing connects you to a greater community; it increases self-esteem; and it slows the aging process. Just sayin’.

Learning to dance

So how do you learn to dance? Well, haven’t you ever wanted to be good at a particular kind of dance? Have you ever taken a class in that style of dance? Start there.

If you’re the kind of guy who wants to be good at things right away, I hate to break it to ya, but that’s probably not going to happen. If you currently have two left feet, becoming a good dancer will take some time and dedication.

So get over it and be willing to not look so good for a while.

For inspiration, rent the movie, “Shall We Dance?” (the original Japanese version).

If you really want to take this on as a project and discover a lot of different dance styles, try out a different dance class once or twice a week for the next couple of months. Here’s a very partial list of partner-ish dance styles you could check out:

  • Blues dancing
  • Freeform/Ecstatic Dance
  • Salsa
  • Tango
  • 5 Rhythms/Open Floor/Soul Motion
  • Contact Improvisation
  • Swing
  • Acro yoga

In many cities, dance studios will offer free classes for one week out of the year. Here in the US, they call it National Dance Week. It’s a great way to check out the huge variety of dance styles.

Find your love affair

You’re basically looking for a dance form to fall in love with. One that really matches the way your body and spirit naturally want to move. Does your body prefer structured or unstructured dance styles? Does it like the rigor of specific steps, or are you more drawn to freeform movement? Then, once you’ve discovered YOUR most delicious dance style (just as in the past you may have discovered a favorite type of food or music), you can then begin to integrate it into your life.

Hopefully the form you choose will also allow you to touch a woman, look in her eyes, and guide or lead her in some manner. Touch and gaze is crucial to most dance styles. And being skillful in moving a woman on the dance floor translates into moving her in the bedroom. From vertical, clothes-on sex to the horizontal, clothes-off variety.

As you become a more skilled dancer, you’ll start to more quickly pick up on how different women move, and how they like to be moved. And just like you’re learning to let go of technique in the bedroom (you are, right?), you can stop focusing solely on the dance technique you’ve learned and just allow the pleasure of the movement to take you over.

Here’s another huge benefit to dancing: You’ll get to experience a lot of “flavors” of femininity, without the drama that can come with being their lover! In any given hour, you could be holding 2 to 12 different women in your arms. From dancing with an “earth mama,” to gently holding a “butterfly”; from a sweet little thing to a fiery, big-busted Amazon. The luxury of variety!

My wish for you is that, both in dancing and in sex, you get the opportunity to fully express yourself, and deeply connect with a partner — body, mind, heart, and soul. You deserve it. And you can have it.

What’s your sex style?


Have you ever had a sexual “misfire” with a partner when it seemed like the two of you were talking different languages in bed? Maybe your eyes were closed and you were deeply feeling your physical sensations, but, dammit, your partner kept bugging you to look at her. (Or look at her while she’s saying “Hi” over and over.) Or maybe you told your partner that you wanted her to dress up and pretend that she was a high-priced call girl, but she acted disgusted that you would want such a thing. She scolded you and said that lovemaking is all about being real with each other, not some made-up “game.”

These kinds of miscues might not just have happened once or twice in your lifetime. You may regularly be experiencing them with your wife, live-in partner, or steady girl.

A Simple Fix

Wouldn’t it be great to know that by simply learning your partner’s erotic language you could not only heal major rifts in the bedroom, but you would also be well on your way to become a cunning linguist? A master of all love languages? A sexual rock star?

This is actually possible. What may seem like worlds-apart, irreconcilable sexual differences at first glance could turn out to be a simple adjustment in sexual “lovestyles.”

Back in 1980, psychologist Donald Mosher first introduced three basic partner “scripts” of sexual experience: trance state, role play, and partner engagement. (Mosher’s categories were later expanded and popularized by psychologist David Schnarch.)

Let’s look at each of these dimensions in turn. Perhaps you’ll discover your go-to sexual style in these descriptions. And keep in mind that there’s no hierarchy among the three styles. Each has its own power. (This is especially handy to keep in mind if you or your partner like to tyrannize the other because you believe in the superiority of your sexual style.)

Entering the State of Trance

People who have Sexual Trance as their primary sex style are focused on the kinesthetic experience of sex. They prefer having sex in private, non-distracting settings. They like slower, repetitive touches from a non-intrusive partner. This helps them focus inward on their sensuality. To them, talking seems like a distraction from the immersion they’re desiring, and they often want the conversation limited to giving instruction about where and how to touch.

Really Good Sexual Trance would mean they were completely absorbed in the sex act and unaware of the external events. They might also have the experience of being taken to another land, or perhaps a hallucinatory sensation. (“The worlds collided. I entered another dimension.”)

I’d estimate that most of the men I coach — perhaps around 60% — would call the Sexual Trance lovestyle their “native” language.

Playing the Role

Folks who get into Role Play enjoy acting out their fantasies with another willing co-conspirator. Being able to play a wide range of roles is a hallmark of someone skilled in this lovestyle — and not just because they happen to be a good actor or actress! Rather, they are comfortable and secure in themselves, and thus can play a variety of roles without feeling phony.

Experts at Role Play get completely absorbed into the scene that they’re playing out — like any good “method” actor would be. For some individuals, the experience of Role Play is also profoundly healing: They get to rewrite (rewire) outdated or painful “scripts” from their childhood or adolescence — a deeply satisfying experience.

No more than 10% of the men I work with have Role Play as their “go-to” style.

Engaging your Partner

Emotion and mutuality are the cornerstones of Partner Engagement. If you’re into romance, eye contact (especially during orgasm), kissing, front-to-front sexual positions, speaking loving words to your partner, and making sure the atmosphere is right in the bedroom, Partner Engagement is probably your primary sex style.

Partner Engagement may have the greatest range of depth of any of the sex styles. At the shallowest level, Engagers use their partners as “pleasure props” in their own opportunistic sex script. Great sex for Engagers might mean a love-filled synergy so powerful that it becomes an archetypal mystical union that celebrates life itself.

This may come as no surprise: As the quality of sex increases for Partner Engagers, the number of available, quality partners decreases. The deepest states seem to demand a partner who is special and unique to you — not a number of casual affairs.

About 30% of the men I work with are primarily Engagers.

How to make this all work?

It’s complex, right? Not only might you have a different primary sex style than your partner; you might also have a different level of depth within the same sex style.  That is, you and your partner might both be Engagers, but you stopped developing at the “performance” level, while your partner has experienced profound moments of unity consciousness during lovemaking.

The key to becoming a sexual rock star — it should be obvious at this point — is to both broaden and deepen your sex styles. Broaden, by experimenting with a sex style you’re least familiar or comfortable with. Deepen, by taking the next step in your primary sex style.

Take a clear, unbiased look at your sexual history with these three categories in mind. Have you gotten in a rut with your rutting, falling into familiar but limited patterns in the bedroom? Do any of these styles seem threatening to you and your sexual identity? Are you intrigued by one of them but aware of shame or fear holding you back?

And for those of you who like to target the low-hanging fruit: Where might you make the most sexual progress with the least effort?

Then determine the next step to take. That might look like, “Talk to Courtney about my ideas for Role Play,” or “During lovemaking, practice maintaining eye contact twice as long as I normally would.” Maybe a first step to creating more harmony in your bedroom is as simple as “Stop judging Stacey for her preferred sexual style and become an expert at it!”

If you can let yourself move forward in this journey with an open mind and a willing heart — instead of a holding a fixed idea about what sex should or should not be — you just might start experiencing more pleasure than you ever imagined.

I’m wishing you well in your journey to become more of who you really are in the bedroom.

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What does your woman really need?

What does your woman really need?

Men: Have you ever experienced sex with a woman when she’s completely open to you? When she’s a full and uninhibited Yes! to you as a sexual man?

If you’ve experienced wild feminine openness, you know what I’m talking about. But if you haven’t, let me tell you: It’s one of the most powerful and satisfying feelings a guy can have. That’s one of the biggest reasons we watch porn! Attractive women completely unbridled in their sexual expression.

So how can you get a woman to be that open with you? The key is to start simple: Make sure her needs are met.

What kind of needs? Well, I have a theory I want to run by you.

I was reading one of my old psychology books the other day and I came across Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Do you know it?

It’s often represented as a pyramid, with our most basic physical needs at the bottom — like food, water, and sleep — and progressing up the hierarchy through Safety, Love/Belonging, Esteem, and ending with Self-Actualization at the top of the pyramid. Maslow’s idea was that there are basic elements that motivate humans and a particular order in which those elements should be met.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

from Wikipedia

For some reason, as I was looking at it, I started thinking about a corresponding hierarchy for women and sex. (Just goes to show you what my mind is occupied with, eh?)

The Feminine Hierarchy of Needs

In my sex and relationship coaching work, I hear from both men and women about what women want and need, and I can tell you that a lot of dudes are missing the mark. Guys often want to roll into the sack with women before the women are ready or willing to do so. I’m theorizing that if women had a “need pyramid,” then “good sex” would probably be near the top. That means there’s a lot that would have to be in place — on the stable base of the pyramid — before most women are willing to have sex.

Do you get why it’s important for you to understand her hierarchy of needs? Because if you can pinpoint the issue that’s really keeping your woman from opening to you sexually, you might have a chance of doing something about it. Plus, your inquiring more deeply into her experience will create a stronger bond between the two of you.

So I came up with some ideas about a woman’s needs and issues. I discussed these ideas with some women friends (who had no problem shooting it to me straight!) and made some tweaks based on their input. So now I’d like to present you with:

The Feminine Hierarchy of Needs

As with Maslow’s hierarchy, women will generally progress from the bottom towards the top. I’ve arranged the eight levels into two sections, or “phases.” Phase 1 has to do with everything that needs to be addressed in her before you initiate sensual or sexual activity. (I’m assuming that she’s attracted to you and, if these needs are taken care of, would be interested in having sex with you!) Phase 2 includes the process of moving towards sexual activity itself.

Now you’re not responsible for meeting these needs or handling these issues for her — especially those in Phase 1. That’s really her work for herself. But you can definitely lend her a helping hand —and at the very least, not be a hindrance to her. Believe me, many guys are often, unknowingly, their own greatest roadblocks to getting laid! I’m here to help make sure that you’re not in that category.

Phase 1

Let’s look at these needs one at a time and consider what you can do to help her get them met.

  1. Bodily Needs. These are similar to Maslow’s bottom-of-the-pyramid physiological needs. Ask yourself these questions first if she seems disturbed. Is she hungry? Thirsty? In pain? Sleep-deprived? Experiencing strong hormonal surges?
    What can you do? You can ask her directly about any of these if you suspect that they might be influencing her. A simple, “How can I help?” is a good question to ask. Or go one step further and actually do something for her that directly eases the issue, once you know what it is. Make her some food. Give her a foot rub or shoulder rub. Run her a bath. Suggest that she take a nap.
  2. Safety and security. Does she feel safe with you? Does your woman trust you at the physical AND emotional levels? Can she fully relax and let go in your presence?
    What can you do? In a short-term relationship, if a woman feels comfortable in your presence, that alone might be enough for her to have sex with you. As relationships unfold, though, the feminine’s need for safety and security usually increases. Some women won’t feel fully secure until you marry them. (See my post about balancing a woman’s need for safety with risk:
  3. Low self-esteem. If she’s mentally beating herself up regularly, she won’t be feeling very sexy. Same goes if she thinks she’s too fat or ugly.
    What can you do? If she’s feeling crappy about herself, your words will only go so far. But say them anyway. Tell her she’s beautiful, or speak some other appreciation to her. If she feels loved when you perform particular acts of service, show her how much you value her by offering those acts to her.
  4. Stress. Anxiety. Emotional overwhelm. Is she overworked? Worried? Preoccupied and not present with you? Is she seething with unprocessed anger? Or needing to cry and not able to get the tears out?
    What can you do? Stop her with eye contact and say something like, “What’s really going on with you?” Then be willing to really listen to her. Simply giving her room to vent or cry or talk about whatever is going on is often enough for her. And if there’s something you can do to help ease the stress or overwhelm she’s feeling, do it.

OK, so that’s Phase 1 of the Feminine Hierarchy of Needs. There are, of course, exceptions to the hierarchy. There are women who will have sex with you without some of their Phase 1 needs being fully met. There are also some women who will want you to have sex with them in order to help them meet one or more of their Phase 1 needs!

But this hierarchy is a good, general starting place for you to understand what it takes for her to be truly and fully sexually available.

Now let’s look at the details of Phase 2 of the hierarchy: Escalating her to higher levels of sex and intimacy.

Phase 2

If your woman passes the checklist for Phase 1, she’ll possibly be open to being sexual with you. But don’t start by being directly sexual – even though that might be what you want. Remember that her speed is likely different than yours.

Keep in mind as you read the descriptions below that these are not hard-and-fast categories. There’s almost always some overlap among them.

  1. Comfort and Ease. Once her Phase 1 issues are handled, a woman will naturally begin to relax and let go. Here are two great ways to help her drop into a space of comfort and ease. A) The first is to lie down and put your body close to hers. Cuddling is underrated by many guys! As you hold each other close, your bodies can begin to relax. B) Once your bodies are together in this way, begin to breathe with her. Synchronized breathing brings the two of you into a state of limbic resonance – a powerful bonding state.
  2. Pleasure and Sensuality. Now that she’s experiencing a baseline level of comfort and her body begins to relax, you can begin to introduce non-sexual touching as a way of moving her into the pleasure zone. Experiment with different ways of touching and stroking her, from petting, to deeper pressure, to light fingertip grazes. You can lightly tug her hair. Try touching her with more than just your fingers: use your forearm or the back of your hand. And don’t forget yourself! Touch her in a way that feels good to you, too.
  3. Sexuality and Orgasm. Finally! You were probably wondering what took so long for us to get here. Now you can shift from just sensual touch to more explicit erotic contact. This stage covers all aspects of sexual arousal and ways of giving her orgasms — manual, oral and through penetration.
  4. Transcendent Sex. I placed this here, at the top of the hierarchy, because some of you (and your women) are not satisfied with ordinary sex. If you’ve started experiencing multiple orgasms as a result of my MOL program, or if you and your woman have experienced some kind of ecstatic sexual moment together, then you have touched on this stage. It’s possible, with practice and the right partner, to return to this place repeatedly. The keys? Learning to relax while you’re experiencing states of intense arousal, and letting go of all that great technique you’ve been learning.

So that’s the Feminine Hierarchy of Needs, at least as it stands right now. Even as I write it out, I already see some changes I might make. But perhaps it’s enough for you to work with for now?

Enjoy each other.

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Your Guide to the Masculine Tar Pits

Dinosaur in Tar Pit

Guys! Are you getting annoyed at the beautiful, loving babes who are throwing themselves at you? Need to find a way to distance yourself from that amazing woman in your life?

I’m here to help.

After years of research and painstaking personal experience, I’ve discovered the keys to repulsing all sorts of sexy, kind-hearted, and intelligent women. Buckle up, because I’m ready to share these valuable secrets with you.

I call these secrets the Masculine Tar Pits, because they are unparalleled at making you appear, in her mind, like a giant lizard and will lead to your rapid extinction from her life.

There’s a good chance that you’re doing one or more of these already, but I want you to Up Your Game and become skilled in each of them. Who needs women anyway! Much better to slowly sink towards death, alone.

1. Stop listening to her.

Most of what she says is nonsense. Blah blah blah feelings yak yak drama blah blah complain. She won’t benefit from a firm, clear request telling her you want to hear what she really wants to say. Why bother interrupting? Just tune her out and start fantasizing about your ideal woman — a deaf-mute 18-year-old with teeth that roll back. (I know you, dude.)

2. Treat her like a curvy, hairless man.

Gender distinctions are so last century: Men and women have now been proven to be 99 and 44/100% alike. Why focus on our differences? Treat her like your “bro.” Expect her to think just like you. If she needs to talk about a problem, interrupt her with the solution as quickly as possible. If she complains, give her a wedgie.

3. Resent her.

Right now, you’re probably resenting your woman for three things, minimum, so you’ve got this one covered. But if you’re a “nice guy” and are having trouble coming up with reasons to be angry with her, ponder this: She’s the undisputed gatekeeper for sex in your relationship, and she has the power to turn you into a helpless, whiny street urchin. Imagine that you’re Oliver Twist approaching her with your Bowl of Sexual Desperation, asking for “more,” in your tiny, screechy voice. Damn. Doesn’t that make you want to throw a tantrum or pout and withdraw your love from her? Attaboy! Do it now.

4. Preoccupy yourself with your sexual shortcomings.

Since hiding your sexual guilt and shame is as easy as breathing, most of you guys have got this one covered, too. But if you actually feel good about your sexuality, you’re in danger of drawing women towards you. Here’s my foolproof strategy for sinking deeper into this Tar Pit:

  1. Picture your worst sexual experience.
  2. Exaggerate the details so the memory gets even fouler.
  3. Draw a picture of the scene on a Post-it, give it a title and stick it where you will see it frequently throughout the day.
  4. Every time you look at it, hang your head and say to yourself, “Because of [insert the title of your experience here], I will never have the sexual life I want.”
  5. Now, every time you’re in a position to feel a lot of pleasure or sexual excitement, recall the scene, hang your head and say those magic words. Done!

5a. Stop caring about your appearance.

It’s time to see just how unconditionally your woman loves you. Stop those time-consuming habits like showering, tooth-brushing, hair- and beard-cutting, nail-trimming, and butt-wiping. I guarantee you’ll have more time in your day for important things, like watching porn. Bonus points for wearing the same clothes every day for the next two months. Now you’ll see if your woman loves you for your “inner beauty” or if she’s preoccupied with superficial appearances.

5b. Stop taking care of other things.

Take your “testing” of her to the next level. Leave your clothes around. (It’s only natural!) Stop keeping a to-do list. (Live spontaneously!) Don’t throw anything out. (You never know when you might need it!) Stop tracking your finances. (Trust in Allah!) Once again, you’re freeing up huge chunks of time AND seeing if her love is true.

6. Lower your consciousness.

Emotional intelligence is an oxymoron. Presence is overrated. So is self-improvement. Why are you even reading this? Click over to your favorite porn site.

7. Simplify your communication.


Your Doom is Approaching!

Perhaps you’re beginning to hear the slow, inexorable churning of the dark sticky goodness nearby. Good. It means that you’re standing close to the Tar Pits, or maybe you even have a foot or two in them. Mmmm, squishy! Now you can really start looking forward to your loveless, sexless, fossilized future.

Important reminder: If a woman starts getting too attracted to or interested in you, review this list and apply one of the secret keys.

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How can I get her to want me more?

Couple on a rollercoaster ride

That’s one of the most common questions I get as a sex and relationship coach.

I recommend approaching the question by looking at the underlying issues.

Is she anxious, agitated, insecure, and “testing” you regularly? She could need more SAFETY in the relationship.

Or is she bored, taking on the role of the “low-desire partner,” and telling you she’s just not interested in sex? She might want more RISK in the relationship.

You job is to decide which of these options is most likely the case, and experiment with giving her some experiences in that particular arena.

I want to describe more fully what I mean by the words risk and safety. I also want to give you a menu of potential launching points for your own creative interpretation of how to best deliver risk or safety to your woman.

For Safety’s Sake

Women are security-seeking creatures. They’ve been programmed for millennia to seek protection from a man. A few decades of feminism isn’t going to reverse that (although the woman’s movement has made significant contributions to our culture).

When a woman feels really safe, she’s relaxed and confident. And she’ll stop doing a lot of those things — you know, those “tests” — that annoy you. Instead, she’ll let her love-light shine, and will likely become more sexually open to you. (By the way, she’s doing those tests, usually unconsciously, to try and find out if she’s safe with you!)

So guys: In order for the woman you’re with to fully bloom, she’ll look to you to provide safety in her life. I’m not talking about physical safety as much as I am emotional safety.

Whether you’ve known a woman a few weeks or a few decades, here are ways to increase her sense of safety in the relationship. (By the way, initiating some of these suggestions to increase her safety might seem really risky for you!)

1. Encourage her to talk when she shuts down emotionally. Then listen and draw her out. Remember that just the process of talking it out will help her feel more connected to you. If she’s in a mode where she blames you, do your best to not take it personally. And do not try to “solve” her problem!

2. Give her more of what you already know she likes. Do you know her favorite way to experience love? For instance, she may love it when you say things to her that let her know that she’s important to you. Or maybe she appreciates gifts. Or physical affection. Once you know her preferences, give generously to her through those “love channels.”

And if you don’t know what she likes, ask her! Make sure you ask how she wants to connect with you erotically as part of this conversation. Would she like you to approach her more gently, or more aggressively? To touch her more slowly, or with lighter pressure? Be sexual with her in a different way? If you’re bold enough to ask these questions, you’re probably also have a strong enough ego to hear some of her truthful, challenging replies.

3. Take a hard, no-bullshit look at how you’re showing up — with yourself, for her, and in the world at large. Are you proud of yourself? Are you living a life of integrity? What can you do to contribute more to the world? Are there behaviors or habits you’re willing to let go of because they no longer serve you?

4. If you’re with a great woman, consider committing more deeply to the relationship. Do your best to move through your own fear of commitment. If you’re dating other women, and the time is right, tell her you want to see only her. (If you’re polyamorous, tell her you want her to be your primary partner.) If she’s been your wife for a while, consider initiating a vow-renewal ceremony with her. You can find a way to commit more fully regardless of the current form of your relationship.

5. Become a better driver. It might sound silly and insignificant to you, but I’ve spoken to enough women who don’t like the way their man drives that I wanted to add it to this list. Remember: When you’re driving her, you’ve got her life in your hands. Don’t take unnecessary risks behind the wheel. Accelerate, drive and brake smoothly. Use turn signals. Be courteous to other drivers. Road rage does not make her feel safe!

Risky Business

The other side of the safety coin is risk. When a woman is denied a certain level of adventure, thrill, or stimulation, her sexuality will start to shut down. She’ll get bored and start to lose interest in you. You’ll start to experience relationship “flatline.”

Here’s something I want you to consider: The most popular fantasy for women involves them being “taken” against their will. So, in their minds, at least, women crave excitement and risk.

Once a woman’s basic need for safety is met, here’s a menu of options you can choose from to spice things up.

1. Try something new and different, sexy or daring. Rearrange your bedroom and put a mirror next to the bed. Take her out dancing. Make out in public. Visit a sex shop together.

2. Sign up for a sensuality class, a couples massage workshop, or a Tantra weekend. In these kinds of workshops, the two of you will learn skills from experts that you can bring into your love life back home. It might be edgy for one or both of you, but the payoff in the bedroom can be a big one.

3. Start experimenting, if you haven’t already, with dominance/submission and role play. Handcuff her to the headboard. Practice commanding her to do things, rather than asking her. Experiment with both roles, the “top” and the “bottom.” Stock up on costumes for “hooker,” “cop,” “schoolgirl,” “bad boy,” and so on.

4. Directly express your desire for her. Stop “hinting” that you’d like to have sex and tell her what you want. “You look so beautiful right now with that smile of yours. I’m feeling very attracted to you. I want to make love with you later tonight.” Be willing to hear whatever answer she gives you with equanimity and without collapsing.

5. Do a risky or frightening activity together. It could be as simple as watching a scary movie together. But even better is getting together to participate in a venture that has a high perceived risk but is actually quite safe. Riding a rollercoaster, bungee jumping, skydiving, and other similar adventures let you share an adrenaline rush. You bond with each other by “surviving” the risky exploit, and then affirm life with passionate lovemaking later that day.

Wrapping It Up

Asking “Is my current relationship situation calling for more risk or for more safety?” is a smart idea whether your relationship is sailing smooth or on the rocks. Any relationship at any time can benefit from this inquiry. In high-functioning relationships, the answer might change from week to week, day to day, or hour to hour.

Your attunement to that “just right” risk/safety balance will enable your woman to trust you more, to love you more, and to open herself sexually to you.

Enjoy the journey!