Breaking out of your bedroom routine

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When you start getting bored in bed, it’s easy to blame your partner. But more often than not, you’re the one who’s gotten stuck in some pattern that you’ve outgrown, but you don’t see it. Or maybe you get a whiff of the pattern, but you’re not ready to admit it to yourself.

You’d be surprised by how many guys are just not willing to make even the simplest changes to their sexual habit patterns. Sadly, the woman in their lives often become less and less happy with them as time drags on. Sometimes those women get fed up and they begin having affairs.

So how do you break out of bedroom boredom? I have a great suggestion:

Change one thing. Do the opposite of what you normally do.

In most cases, this simple suggestion is often enough to reverse stagnant sexual routines.

What’s your routine?

Start by taking an honest look at your sexual routines. You can do this now, by recalling one of your recent lovemaking encounters. Alternatively, you can take mental notes the next time you’re in a sexual situation.

Do you usually wait for her to make the first move? Do you always slide you hand down her underwear while you’re making out? Do you go down on her every time, using her orgasm as a reward for your tongue technique? Do you always end with vigorous doggy-style thrusting and ass-slapping, or some other “favorite” position? Do you disconnect from her soon after you ejaculate?

Once you see a particular pattern, make a choice to change it. As one of my mentors says, “Decide that you want [the change] more than you’re afraid of it.” Then, next time you’re in bed, do the opposite of your pattern. It’s as simple (and as tough) as that.

Here are some examples:

  • If you tend toward intensity in sex, experiment with gentleness. Try going slower, relaxing any goal-orientation, being more patient. Conversely, if you’re a slow and gentle lover, try shifting your energy and bringing more “yang” to the bedroom. Vocalize more, and physically move your partner around in bed.
  • If you’re the kind of guy who’s all about pleasing her — making sure she has an orgasm every time — try attuning to your own body’s desire for pleasure. Focus on your own sensation and ask her to put her hands and attention on you in exactly the way you want. But if you’re the kind of guy who always puts his pleasure first — and you’re somewhat greedy in bed — next time, experiment with putting your attention on pleasuring her, attuning to what turns her on, and coaxing her open.
  • If you’re always dominant, switch things around let yourself be topped by her. Likewise, if you’re always submissive, practice topping her for a change. (Being willing to not do it perfectly and having a sense of humor will be a great help here.)
  • If your foreplay routine is the same 10-minute series of moves, stretch it out to 30 minutes and throw in something you’ve never done before. Conversely, if you typically spend an hour warming her up before you slide inside, try quickie sex in an unexpected location in your house, or maybe even a public location (shocking!).
  • If you never talk during sex, start communicating what you’re experiencing and feeling to your partner. (No man talks all the time to his partner, so I won’t bother to suggest the opposite experience!)

The Benefits of Change

If you try changing one thing, you’ll notice that sex gets a bit more interesting. You partner begins to look more attractive and appealing. And, glory be, suddenly she starts trying new behaviors, too!

The process of change can be scary. If you feel safe and secure with your routine — and have convinced yourself that your partner feels “safe,” too — it might be especially challenging for you to throw what looks like a wrench into the works. After all, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?

Wrong. I’m suggesting that you take the risk and fix it now, before the groove of that routine gets any deeper. Breaking patterns can definitely shake things up, and make you a little shaky, too. But if you’re like most guys, living a little more on your edge is usually a Good Thing. You can do this!