You know the stereotypical scenario where, after ejaculating, the man rolls over and falls asleep? If you’re saying, “Yep, that’s me,” I say to you, “Dude! Abandon your Neanderthal ways and join the rest of us guys in the 21st century.”
It’s not cool to silently sack out after sex. I don’t care how tired you are!
I even found a scientific survey to back me up on this one. Psychologists at the University of Michigan surveyed 456 college kids about their sleep patterns with their partners, and found that women whose partners end a night of passion by immediately nodding off are left feeling insecure and craving affection.*
But that doesn’t mean you need to have an hour-long cuddle session during which you dissect every moment of your experience together. Instead, I’m suggesting a couple of low-impact options:
#1: Keep it Short and Sweet
When the sex is over — either because one or both of you has orgasmed or just decided you were done — say a few words to the woman you’re with as you’re collapsing next to her. It doesn’t have to be much. Include some kind of verbal appreciation of her while you touch her and look in her eyes.
For you guys who need a formula, here it is. Three simple parts.
“Exclamation!” + “That was __(descriptive word or phrase)_____.” + “ You _(something about her)________.”
Here are some samples to help you get the picture.
- “Wow! That was incredible. You totally rocked my world.”
- “Damn, girl. That was a helluva lotta fun. You are a seriously sexy rock star in bed.”
- “MmmmHmmmm. That was some delicious lovin’. You are some kinda wonderful, baby.”
- “Sweet Baby Jesus. That was a religious experience. Now I know why they call it the Second Coming.”
(OK, so I didn’t exactly follow the formula with that last one, but you get the idea.)
Do not use these exact examples! This is important. Just feel what’s true for you and use your own words.
Of course, she’ll probably respond with a few (hopefully) positive comments of her own, and after a few more words, then you can drift off to la-la land.
#2: For Advanced Guys
For many guys, the above-mentioned quantity of conversation will be enough. But I know that more than a few of you are post-coital pros (or want to be) who love to talk about lovemaking. So here are my suggestions for you:
- If you’re feeling a need to debrief with your woman, wait a little while before diving in. Rest a bit, hold her, and just enjoy the afterglow. The best time to debrief is when you both are rested and alert, but don’t wait too long after the sex: you’ll forget some details.
- When you do talk with her, tell her a) the things you really enjoyed, b) any challenging moments you experienced, and c) what you’d like to experience more of in the future. Be descriptive and include as much relevant detail as you can remember.
- You can finish with an appreciation of some kind, or an expression of gratitude. “I’m feeling really lucky that I have you as my lover.” “Thanks so much for listening to me right now. I could see that you really took it in.”
When you’re done, you can turn each of the bullets above into questions to ask her; that is, say “What moments did you really enjoy?” etc.
This kind of reporting will generate a lot more conversation than the standard, “How was it for you?” — a question that can be dismissed with a single word.
If you’ve never done anything like these exercises before, it will probably feel forced and awkward at first. But after a few times you might actually enjoy it. So give it a go and see where it goes.
That’s my straight dope on post-coital chats. I hope you found something helpful!
*http://www-personal.umich.edu/~kruger/Kruger_Hughes_Sleep_2011.pdf
