One thing that most men don’t realize is this: The quality of sound impacts a woman’s ability to relax and fully open sexually.
Imagine if you were making love to your woman and your bedroom was right next to a construction site. And what you heard was that beeping, back-up truck noise interspersed with bulldozers and jackhammers.
Now imagine instead that your bedroom opened up to the sound of ocean waves a few hundred feet away. Big difference, yeah?
On the most basic level, the ambient sound in your love-nest itself is important, so you definitely get points with her for having some harmonious, sensual music playing at a low volume in the background. But the real power is in the sexual sounds that come from YOU. Yep, that’s right. Just altering the tone, depth, and volume of your voice will expand the sexual energy around you (and her).
Let’s talk specifically about making sounds during sex. Most guys are pretty damn inhibited in this area. It makes sense, given our conditioning. Expressing ourselves during sex also creates feelings of vulnerability. However, becoming more vocal in the bedroom can totally transform a man’s life. I’ve seen it take more than one man from being quite shy to being very self-expressed in the rest of their lives.
To learn to become more vocal in bed, first start by groaning or moaning, even if it doesn’t feel completely “real” to you. So, if she’s going down on you, just “start your motor” by making some basic moaning sounds: “Mmmmmm….” “Ohhhhhhh…..” “UhhhhhhhHunnnnnhhh….”
Remember, sound is more than just an expression of pleasure: it actually increases pleasure. Making sounds of pleasure will increase your feeling-experience, and your woman will feel it as well. Use this “moaning practice” as a jump-start to get you going. Do it even if it you’re a little uncomfortable with it.
So how will you then find actual words? Start with that moan of pleasure, and then let words emerge through the groan. “Mmmmhhhmmm…. don’t stop…. yeah…. soooo good.” Say this in the lowest tone that you can easily and naturally make; that is, speak from the lowest vibration possible in your chest or stomach. That’s right: I’m talking about finding your “Barry White” voice.
Next, try using these sentence stems during sex. “I love it when you_________. And “It feels so good when you_______.”
Pay attention to her response. She’ll probably like it that you’re using words and sounds as positive reinforcement to her pleasure-producing behaviors.
(The “Key Sound” and “Crazy Throat” videos in Module 7 of the Multi-Orgasmic Lover program will help you even more with this practice. In that module, and in other parts of the program, I also address shame and other inhibitors to full sexual expression.)
Once you start becoming more vocal, it automatically gives her more permission to be vocal as well. The more you can support her in her self-expression, the more you both may find a whole new level of turn-on. Now that’s hot!
For many guys, becoming more vocal can feel amazingly freeing, especially at the moment of your own orgasm. How much can you really let go and let sound move through you? How does the climax of a symphony sound? (That’s why they call it the climax!) Why should the climax of your lovemaking be any different?
Remember: The more self-expressed you are in the bedroom, the more likely you are to be self-expressed in every area of your life. And what woman doesn’t find that attractive?