Who’s Your Buddy?

Daily accountability co-coaching will help keep you on track.

If you’re self-employed, a freelancer, or a telecommuter, you’ve probably had times when you’ve found it difficult to hold yourself accountable and do all of the things that you intend to do at the beginning of the day. Even if you have a coach (or two, like I have), you’re probably not set up to have them talk with you every day. So how do you stay on track?

20 years ago, I participated in Roger Lane’s Finance Course, which was my first experience of accountability and goal-setting in the business world. Roger was an intense, relentless business coach and a master at teaching integrity and accountability. We worked in small groups with eight-week goals, and checked in with each other frequently to make sure we were doing what we said we were going to do. The results were great — everyone achieved their goals — but when the course finished, there wasn’t any follow-up. For most participants, if there wasn’t consistent support, the momentum of the workshop would continue for a while, but would eventually taper off.

Years later, I began leading men’s groups and became a professional coach. I found that change was most effective when people were held accountable: when they knew they had agreed to do something in front of a witness — and they wrote it down — they were most likely to get it done. But what would keep people on track during the times between coaching sessions or group meetings?

The system that I’m currently developing involves daily, 20-minute phone check-ins with someone called your Buddy. You may already be doing a version of this “Buddy Call” and experimenting with what works for you. If so, I’d love to hear about it! Here’s what I’ve discovered over time, and how my Buddy and I are currently working this system.

Choosing your Buddy

Don’t choose a close friend or significant other as your Buddy. You may be one of the rare ones that can easily compartmentalize work and personal life; if so, give it a go. A big challenge here is not talking about the five or six other topics you want to talk about, but that aren’t relevant to your daily commitments. I’ve found it works best if you choose someone with whom you’re somewhat acquainted, who already has good business habits and a good idea of where they’re going and why. You want someone who will challenge you and bring out your best, and you want to offer them your best as well.

You might need to work your way through a few Buddies, as I have, before you find one that’s a match for you. Here are signs that this program might not work for your potential Buddy (or for you, for that matter):

Can’t stick to a regular or daily schedule of Buddy Calls
Loses interest and becomes less committed to the program after a few weeks
Already has a structured day and doesn’t really need the program
Prefers a social chat and/or resists a structured call
Not accountable: often doesn’t do what they say they’ll do

In Confidence

Trust with your Buddy is essential. And you must be trustworthy yourself. That means neither of you tells anyone else what your Buddy tells you. I’ve seen thousands of dollars lost and friendships ended over a “simple” slip of the lip — lips that had previously agreed to confidentiality. This also means that your Buddy Call shouldn’t be overheard by others on either end of the line.

Your Presence Required

Just like in coaching sessions, you get the most value if you’re giving your full attention to the call. It’s not the time for multi-tasking. You’re not driving, putting away the dishes, or walking the dog. You’re present and accounted for.

A Typical Call

My current Buddy Mark and I talk at 9:00 A.M. nearly every work day. (I’m not available at 9:00 on one day of the week, so we schedule a different time that day.) We alternate calling each other so that no one has all of the responsibility. We get ten minutes each to talk, and we alternate who speaks first.

During my ten minutes I:

Tell my Buddy what I completed from my To Do list from the previous day. (He wrote down what I told him I was going to do, so I know that he knows!)
Tell him about any blocks or resistances that came up in working with my list, and how I plan to work with those blocks.
Tell him my plan for today, emphasizing the most important 1-3 things that I want to focus on.
Listen and respond to his question or reminder for me. Currently, I’ve told Mark to ask me what I plan to do from my “Pleasure List” today, as a reminder for me to schedule time for things that bring me joy.

Then it’s time for my Buddy’s ten minutes. I take out my handwritten notes (Mark uses the computer to make notes) and check off items as Mark tells me about his previous day’s work. If he doesn’t offer his own awareness, I ask about any resistances to accomplishing uncompleted tasks. I write down what he tells me he wants to accomplish today. I might push a little if I feel that he’s over-or under-scheduling himself. He’s also asked me to ask him “What’s the next step for this project?”, so, when appropriate, I ask him that. (He often says, “That’s a great question!”)

We then confirm the time and call initiator for the next day, say goodbye and hang up. Total time of call: 20 minutes. On Mondays we often take 15 minutes each because we also verbalize our goals or intentions for the week, and often have work from the previous weekend that’s important to mention.

Note Well

I like having a clock nearby so I can track the call’s progress
Calls go most efficiently when both parties have prepared their lists in advance. If you like morning calls, experiment with making your To Do list — in order of priority — the night before.
Your Buddy is not your coach. They’re a support for the goals that you create with your coach, and any homework assignments your coach has given you. Don’t expect them to ask insightful questions or offer other perspectives. If they do, it’s a bonus, but leave the heavy lifting to your coach. (You do have a coach, don’t you?)
Buddy Calls are a no-judgement zone. If you or your Buddy didn’t complete something on the list, be firm but don’t blame. Instead, be curious about what’s keeping the task from getting completed. What’s the learning here?
Once you’re in a groove with a good Buddy, check in occasionally with yourself and your Buddy and ask “How’s our Buddy Program going?” Then make adjustments that work for both parties.

So there you have it: A no-cost accountability program to keep you focused and productive during your day. Give it a try. Send this article (or a link to it) to a potential Buddy and ask them if they want to embark on an “accountability experiment” with you. And let me know if you have an insight I haven’t mentioned here. I’ll be updating this article, and if I use your idea, I’ll give you the credit.

Special thanks to my current Buddy Mark Schneider (global recruiter extraordinaire) for his multiple contributions to this article.

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