Men's Work. Tantra Events. Life & Relationship Coaching.

TantraQuest was a divine experience. Leading with Julia was effortless, and Lori of Ecstatic Productions did a great job of handling the people and the logistics. The participants were brilliant! No resistance. Even the ones who said that they had "no tantra experience" were looking like pros right away. The room dropped into sacred space soon after we started on each day. Our assistants — Jane, Norm and Lindy — helped deepen the room as well. Each of them a powerful tantrika in their own worlds. I came home from the weekend feeling deeply satisfied, having fully given my gift.

While I would love to be leading a workshop like this every month or two, I don't have any available energy to make it happen. I'm very focused right now on coaching, men's groups, and my men's group curriculum. Any promoters out there who want to take this work to the next level?

Labels: tantra events

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I'm prepping for the TantraQuest weekend that I'm co-leading with Julia Tindall in South San Francisco. I also have the usual pre-event nervousness, although you'd think by now that I'd be used to doing these kinds of events. Maybe it's because this is a brand-new creation of ours. We've created a new structure using the gifts from both of our toolboxes, and what we've learned about helping people experience more bliss by releasing their past sexual wounding. There's a certain edginess to presenting our combined new material; at the same time, we're both like good jazz musicians who know the standards, yet can improvise in the moment.

I'm experiencing a lot of gratitude in this moment for Margot Anand and all that I learned from teaching with her. She was unwavering in dedication to helping people transform their love lives and always created an amazingly sacred space so that could happen. Since Julia also has Skydancing roots — we took Margot's Teacher's Training years ago — Margot's presence will certainly be felt this weekend.

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If you're a guy and you're not already in a deep, ongoing men's group, you're missing out! Especially if you get most of your reflections from the women in your life. There's nothing that can replace the feedback and challenge you get from a group of no-bullshit guys.

The men's group that I particpate in (as opposed to the ones that I am paid to lead) has been meeting weekly since 2001. We've added and subtracted members over the years; the current group of 8 guys (7 of us are pictured here, overlooking San Francisco Bay) has been meeting for about 3 years. 4 of us have played the role of leader over the years, and we're currently a "leader-full" group (different from a "leader-less" group), because at any moment, any one of us has license to lead. We started the group using a David Deida-based curriculum, and have since been shaped by the wisdom of Deida's teacher Mykonos, as well as Ken Wilbur and his Integral model and The Diamond Approach.

Each of the men in this group is a leader in his own realm (healing, integral coaching, men's workshops, etc.) and a true spiritual heavyweight. The collective wisdom and power of this group is a wonder to behold. I've often walked out at the end of our meetings shaking my head in disbelief. I've never experienced anything like it.

The experiences that I've had with this group — as well as the dozen or so Awakened Masculine groups that I've led over the past 3 years — has been a big part of my inspiration to create a men's curriculum. My vision is that men all over the world would have the means to create a deep, powerful group in their area, and hopefully enjoy some of the benefits of being with men. And not just to talk, or "process" their difficulties, but an opportunity to come alive with and challenge each other.

So I've taken the first step. One of my Awakened Masculine grads has asked me to "beta test" my very rough curriculum with a group of men that he's leading. So now I have regular deadlines — clearly something I need for this project! — and I just sent him a somewhat polished installment for Week 1. Soon I'll have a completed Core Curriculum that men everywhere can download from my website. Very exciting. Wish me well!

Labels: men's group

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I coached 4 clients today, and when I hung up the phone with my last client, I shouted "I love what I do!" several times. I love it that I have more energy at the end of the work day than when I started. I love that I have the gift of this form called "coaching" that lets me effortlessly draw from a lifetime of personal, relationship, business, and spiritual wisdom.

Years ago when I had an energy healing practice, I couldn't see more than 2 or 3 clients a day. I frequently needed to clear my energy field of the client's "stuff". I couldn't imagine seeing 4 healing clients a day. Perhaps it was because I didn't ground myself fully before each session; perhaps it was because I was working up-close with negative energies, entities, funky astral beings, and so on; or perhaps it was that the meetings were all in-person and not on the phone. For whatever reason, coaching fits me a lot better than straight healing work.

Not that coaching isn't healing in its own way, and not that I don't use my healing skills in my coaching sessions. In fact, it might be illuminating to examine the skills of a healer that would translate nicely to the coaching environment.

Intuition
Intuition is one of the greatest skills that the healer can bring to the coaching relationship. Among other things, intuition includes a) hearing what the client isn't saying, and b) an openness to receiving psychic impressions from the client (e.g., pictures, words, bodily sensations). In my healing days, I was often slow to reveal my intuitions, preferring to let the client's process evolve before adding my input. Sometimes I would wait until after the session, and occasionally I sensed it was best to keep my impressions to myself. As a coach, however, "blurting" intuitions as soon as they appear is a practice that seems universally encouraged. I actually prefer this way of working with intuition; it meshes well with my spontaneous, improvisational coaching style.

Client-driven
As a healer, it's beneficial to remember that the client is responsible for healing themselves, and that you're aiding them in that process. Same goes for coaching. At the Coaches Training Institute, the mantra is that the client is "naturally creative, resourceful, and whole." When you can trust that your clients are fully responsible for their lives and that they're doing their best to grow and change, it makes your coaching job a lot easier!

Transparency
When both healers and coaches let go of their ego and agenda and let the Divine do the work, then the relationship with the client becomes an exquisite dance. As a healer or a coach, there is nothing that compares to being used by Source to serve the well-being of another. The goal, then, is to have this happen as often as possible. And the question to ask, as either healer or coach, is "What needs to happen for me to become as transparent as possible?"

Unconditional Love
One of the important pieces that I learned in my healing practice was that loving people exactly where they were was one of the greatest gifts that I could give them. Sure, it was great that I could help heal their past lives, or remove psychic sludge from their bellies, but at the deepest level, healing is about seeing someone's essence, loving that, and allowing that loving be reflected to them. A great coach does the same. I currently have two coaches, and both of them see me this way so clearly that it's a little overwhelming at times. But I'm learning, slowly but surely, to see myself as they see me.

I'm sure there are other healer-to-coach crossover skills that I've overlooked. Anyone care to comment?

Labels: coaching

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